Proverbs 25:24
Better to live on a corner of the roof
than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.
Some wives are quarrelsome by temperament. They are quick to find fault in anyone. Their husbands have the unfortunate position of being the closest target. Other wives grow quarrelsome out of unfulfilled expectations. The men they expected to be wise, loving, and godly husbands fail to meet those expectations. And so they begin to complain.
Whatever the situation, the reality is that complaining is not effective. A husband is not reinvigorated to repair the house or to lead family devotions because he has been berated. What then for the wife? First, the wife needs to examine herself. Is she doing her job of being a helpmeet who encourages and supports her husband? Secondly, she needs to examine what really bothers her. Is she primarily concerned for the welfare of her husband and his relationship with God, or is she primarily put out that he is not fulfilling her personal expectations? Thirdly, she needs to examine her own relationship with God. Like Martha who was impatient with Jesus for not making Mary help her, so it is easy to become impatient with God for not making one’s husband more responsive. Fourthly, she needs to exercise wisdom. Many proverbs, such as verses 11-15 in the same chapter, teach the necessity of speaking “fitly” so as to be effective. And the consistent theme is that it is the “soft” speech that is more likely to get the result intended.
The quarrelsome tongue drives away; the soft tongue draws near. The berating tongue steels the resolve of the other not to change; the soft tongue will break through that resolve. But the key is patience. Will you, can you patiently win over your husband?
Psalm 120
I call on the Lord in my distress,
and he answers me.
2 Save me, Lord,
from lying lips
and from deceitful tongues.3 What will he do to you,
and what more besides,
you deceitful tongue?
4 He will punish you with a warrior’s sharp arrows,
with burning coals of the broom bush.5 Woe to me that I dwell in Meshek,
that I live among the tents of Kedar!
6 Too long have I lived
among those who hate peace.
7 I am for peace;
but when I speak, they are for war.